I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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