The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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