she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
