Sponge bath it is.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
