Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
