He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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