p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
