I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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