actually, I'm a sock model
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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