if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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