I smell stomach acid.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
