My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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