Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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