I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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