If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
