Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
