Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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