I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
