Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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