About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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