You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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