i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
