DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize