guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
