Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
