Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
