every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
