Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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