She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
