It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
