Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i believe in u and ur pee
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
