I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
