just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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