Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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