your room smells of hookers.
And success
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
