I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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