he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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