No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
