I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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