Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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