Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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