she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
