I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
