So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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