I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The best revenge is premature balding
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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