is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
