Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
