I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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