Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
