Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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