What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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