did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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