She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
