I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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