Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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