I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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