stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
