I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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