FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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