youre lurking in front of me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
