I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
