Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
