Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
