if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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