Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this hospital has no fireball
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
