I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
