new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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