Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
