Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
