you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
