And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
