So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
