I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
