i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
