A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
