Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
