Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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