i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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