Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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