What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
