Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I CAN MOONWALK!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
