Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
honey bunches of taint.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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