I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
