Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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