3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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