he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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