just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
